Mind

Staying Neutral

My father had a way of motivating me by letting me know I had disappointed him. I remember telling him I didn’t want to go to church anymore. He is a minister so that didn’t sit well with him. He told me that it was very disappointing to him that I did not want to go to church. I ended up going to church. I could not stand to disappoint my father.
At some point in my adult life I had to face the fact that my parents church wasn’t for me. I had to be o.k. with disappointing my parents. I had to be a grown up and make my own choices.
Disappointing the most important people in my life was hard. But the longer I was willing to live a lie, the less honest I was becoming.
I love it when someone complements something about me. It feels good. As humans I think we all like to be noticed. It validates us.
But there is also a danger in getting too used to the accolades. It can skew our perspective and motivation. I noticed that when I write from a perspective of ‘I hope they really like this’ I don’t write from my heart. I write from a place of wanting praise. It keeps me from being honest and transparent. It keeps me guarded and closed off.
On the flip side, there are the haters. The haters can provide me valuable feedback. They force me to check my ego. They provide a perspective I may have not thought of. I don’t like the term haters. Of course, there are some people in this universe that want to spew hate, but I have found that most people are just sharing from their experience and their perspective. What they say is neutral. What I make it mean is the difference between being open to new points of view and being a hater myself. If I hate their hate, I’m am being hater, too.
Finding a neutral place where I am not attached to the outcome is my sweet spot for keeping my heart open and keeping my writing honest.
I find this very difficult. People’s opinions can seem so important. I don’t always want to be raw and honest. I want the Disney ending. I want everyone to get along and be nice. But that is not where the real work gets done.
I can’t be fully honest if I’m trying to avoid the haters, please the pleasers and wrap it all up like a pretty present. I’m learning that the key to my success is going neutral.

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