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It’s Been A While

I have been missing in action lately. It’s not a surprise. With Covid-19 still raging all over the world I have felt a need to conserve myself. I’ve gone inward. In my house, in my mind. In all ways possible.

When I get stressed I tend to go inward. I save my physical energy in case I need it for something really important (fight or flight, anyone).

I found it hard to manage my energy and have spent most of my days feeling drained. I would take a walk instead of doing any kind of intense workout. I know I need the dopamine from a workout, but didn’t have the energy to do anything too intense.

It turns out there is some science to that. Brene Brown said so in one of her recent Unlocking Us podcasts. It turns out it takes a lot of energy to deal with stress. We are having to make a lot of decisions that could be life and death. One decision to meet up with friends could prove to be a very bad idea if someone ends up sick or worse.

We need to give our brains a rest. So, don’t be too hard on yourself if you let things slide. The best gift you can give yourself is taking care of your brain.

I will write more soon. In the meantime I wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (or whatever holiday you choose to celebrate).

Body

The Lines on My Face

The lines on my face are proof of a good life. They mean I have laughed and smiled and cried.

I have squinted from the beautiful sunlight. I have sat in the sand on beautiful beaches and soaked up the calm of the waves, eyes closed, face to the sun.

I have covered my eyes because I didn’t want to face things. I was scared. I didn’t want to see.

I have these lines around my eyes because my kids make me smile every day. I am alive and express my emotions with my eyes.

I have a beautiful life and these lines are my proof. I am lucky, and it shows on my face.

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Middle Aged

That awkward space in ones life smack dab in between being born and leaving this earth.

What a terrible idea middle age is.

Who is to say when MY middle age is?

If I die at 70, I’m way passed the middle.

Humans like milestones. Are we there yet? Not yet, just a couple more hours. It gives us something to look forward to on a long drive. We want to know how long the drive will be, and what time we will arrive. The human life is not so simple.

Our destination is not as simple as arriving at Grandma’s house.

If my calculations are correct, I have just begun ‘middle age’. But I don’t really know when I will get ‘there’, the end of the journey.

I’m not on a plane ride. I am on my life’s journey and there is still so much to see and do and learn.

For now all I have is NOW. So, I stay here, laugh here, play here. Stay present. Because I don’t know where my middle or end are. I Laugh now.

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I Have Dragons

Dragons have been used metaphorically in children’s books and fairy tales for centuries. We slay our dragons. The one who slays the dragon wins the kingdom (or the pretty princess).

What if dragons are our friends? The kind of friends that tell us the most honest truths about ourselves. No, those jeans don’t look good on you. Yes, you are drinking too much.

I love the idea of dragons being my friend. What are my dragons? What are the ugly little thoughts that run around my head telling me I’m not good enough? What is the idea I want to bring to fruition that I am afraid of for fear I will be judged as weird or irresponsible?

Today, I will sit on the large stump and talk with my dragons. I will invite them to show me where I can grow. I won’t slay them. They are my friends.

Who are the dragons you have been fighting to banish?

I find being alone in nature is the best place to get clear answers. Close your eyes and imagine a beautiful and colorful creature. Give him or her a name. Introduce yourself. See what happens. They may tell you things you don’t want to acknowledge. Trust that they are telling you the truth.

I think you will make a new and wonderful friend. I think I will call my dragon Stella.